One of the questions I’m often asked is: “What’s the most important piece of advice you’d give someone?” It’s a difficult question to answer, because the most helpful guidance always depends on a person’s unique circumstances, needs, and challenges. But there is one idea I return to again and again — so much so that I have it on a poster in my office:
Thoughts aren’t facts
When we can notice our thoughts and let them float by — rather than automatically accepting them as truth — we open the door to new perspectives, calmer emotions, and more helpful actions.
Why This Matters
Whether you’re navigating low mood, anxiety, trauma, or stress, your thought processes play a central role in how you feel and how you act. In Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), we explore the powerful link between thoughts, feelings, and behaviours.
Understanding and gently reshaping unhelpful thinking patterns can be a major step toward healing and moving forward.
An Everyday Example
Imagine you see a friend in the supermarket. You wave, but they don’t wave back.
The situation is the same — but the way you interpret it will shape how you feel:
- Person A thinks: “They’re ignoring me. I must have done something wrong.” → Feels worried, worthless.
- Person B thinks: “They’re being really rude.” → Feels angry, frustrated.
- Person C thinks: “They must be busy — it’s not like them to ignore me.” → Feels concerned.
- Person D thinks: “They just didn’t see me.” → Feels neutral.
Our mood, self‑esteem, what’s happening in our lives that day , and past experiences all influence how we interpret events. The same moment can feel very different depending on the lens we’re looking through.
The ‘Mental Crusher’ Effect
Psychologist Fennell’s Mental Crusher model explains how low self‑esteem can distort the way we process information.
When we feel badly about ourselves, we tend to:
- Collect information that fits our negative self‑view.
- Dismiss or distort information that doesn’t fit.
- Ignore or not notice information that doesn’t fit
In the supermarket example, someone with low self‑esteem might overlook the fact that their friend was juggling two young children, or forget that the last time they spoke, that friend expressed how much they valued the relationship.
Anxiety and Threat Scanning
When we feel anxious, our minds often go on high alert for danger. We may:
- Overestimate the likelihood of something going wrong.
- Underestimate our ability to cope.
For example, a person worried about their health might interpret a headache as a sign of serious illness, rather than considering more likely explanations such as stress or dehydration. This is another example of how our thoughts processes do not give us the full picture and aren’t facts.
Being alert for potential threats and problems also means we notice them more than others and have a stronger physical and emotional reaction to them which further reinforces the sense of danger and heightens anxiety.
Breaking the Cycle
Unhelpful thoughts can keep us stuck — but they can also be changed. By learning to notice, question, reframe them and change our responses to them, we can shift how we feel and how we respond to life’s challenges.
How Therapy Can Help
Therapy offers a safe, supportive space to:
- Identify the links between your thoughts, feelings, behaviours, and life experiences.
- Learn tools to challenge unhelpful thinking patterns.
- Develop new ways of responding that align with your goals and values.
- Learn ways to direct our attention and let go of thoughts
It’s not about “thinking positively” all the time. It’s about understanding your thought patterns, exploring where they come from, and moving forward without being defined by them.
A Final Thought
You are not your thoughts.
They are passing mental events — not fixed truths.
With the right support, you can learn to step back from unhelpful thinking, see situations more clearly, and approach life with greater confidence and hope
References and further reading:
📚 References
- Butler, G., Fennell, M., & Hackmann, A. (2008). Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for Anxiety Disorders: Mastering Clinical Challenges. Guilford Press. APA PsycNet summary
- Getselfhelp.co.uk. The Mental Crusher model (Vivyan, 2009). PDF resource
Further Reading
- Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
- Clark, D. A., & Beck, A. T. (2010). Cognitive Therapy of Anxiety Disorders: Science and Practice. Guilford Press.
- NHS UK – Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)
- Mind UK – How to manage your thoughts
